The Funnier Things in Life

I've realized that I haven't shared any of the hilarious things that happen in my class. In between the serious times of behavior management and learning, learning, learning there have been some rather entertaining bits.

We have one student, Tiona, who is very tiny and very sweet. She barely talks in class, but when she does its usually to tell me, "I like your shoes, Miss Claiborn." In the mornings we have reading, and all the students sit on the carpet in the back of the room while I read aloud to them. When I do read aloud, I try to do the voices of every character to make it more interesting for the class. Most days it works out just fine, but this particular day it backfired big time. That day we were reading about Little Billy, who was very bored and so he wandered, against his mother's wishes, into the Forest of Sin.

Miss Claiborn: "In our story, Little Billy is very bored. While he is looking out his window into the Forest of Sin, he hears a voice (using my best scary voice), "There are no monsters in the Forest of Sin. Your mother was lying."

(I stop and look at the students. Tiona is staring at me with her big eyes, waiting to know who is talking to Little Billy in such a voice.)

"Who do you think it was talking to Little Billy?" (I pause for dramatic effect....)

"It was the Devil!"

Tiona then proceeds to hug her knees closer to her chest as her eyes get bigger and she yells out in front of the entire class, "OH MY LORD! NOT THE DEVIL!"

I then realized that as eight year olds who have grown up in the bible belt, my students may have a healthy fear of the devil instilled in them by hundreds of "Fire and Brimstone" sermons. I had probably made it worse with the voices and dramatic flair given that the Devil isn't even a minor character in the novel, he's simply the reason Little Billy goes into the forest. As we kept reading, I hoped that some other parts of the story would draw her attention away from the tiny blip about the lord of the underworld. Little Billy is chased by a Gruncher. He climbs a tree and discovers a tiny people living in the trees. He then goes on to ride on a swan and kill the Gruncher in a daring chase through the forest.

Alas, all of these events failed to take her attention from that one part of the story, evidenced by how she answered the assessment at the end of the day:

1. Name a character in the story

The devil

2. Name one event in the story.

The devil whispered in Little Billy's ear.

3. Give a summary of the story.

Little Billy listened to the devil.

4. What was our big problem in the story?

The devil

5. How was our problem resolved?

Little Billy stopped listening to the devil.

And on, and on, and on.....

Note to self: avoid books with the devil in them when you are teaching in a state where parents use the devil as collateral for making their children behave.... I wish I were joking....

Oh well. Live and learn and try to traumatize as few children as possible.

Miss Claiborn

P.S. Asked one of my students what he wanted to be when he grows up: a professional eater specializing in hot dogs.