Two Weeks Down, Sixteen to Go

I was reflecting on the past fourteen days in France, and I wanted to record what I had learned, as of right now, so that in a couple months I can look back and see how little I knew.

1. French men spend more time on their hair and their outfits than any self-respecting American man would ever dream of, and the French men always try to act like they just rolled out of bed looking that way.  Accept that they are high-maintenance.

2. Cobblestones and heels do not mix well.  I don't know what the Romans were thinking when they laid out those first uneven rocks, but I can tell you what they were not thinking of: the ankles of the future generations of stiletto-ed women.

3. It is hard to beat a sunny day and a warm baguette.

4. Enthusiasm is never a reason to raise your voice in public.  Only when they are angry will the French stoop to shouting.

5. French mothers walk their children to school everyday, which they accomplish without even a hint of a sweatshirt or ponytail.

6.  French men will stare at blondes.  It doesn't matter how pretty they are or aren't, who they are with or what they are wearing, they will always get attention.  

7. When in doubt, choose black.  It doesn't matter if it is sunny, rainy, windy, morning or evening; black is always accepted.   

8. And pertaining to the note above, if you have to wear color, make sure that the article is at least made by a moderately well-known designer.  The French will forgive you for wearing color when its Louis Vuitton. 

9. Baguettes are only good for eating on the day they are purchased.  After that they become weapons of mass destruction, specifically, to your teeth.

10.  You must grow up in France to understand the inherent reason for a bidet.

11.  Smiling is one of the first ways foreigners are pegged as foreigners.  You can have a terrible accent, an even worse sense of style, but it is the smiling that will give you away.

12.  If they find out you are American one of two things will happen: 1) if you are talking to a man, they will automatically be more friendly, and, 2) if you are talking to a woman, she will first be surprised that you are not overweight or wearing a sweatshirt, and then she will tell you that her favorite show is Sex and the City. 

13.   American culture is everywhere.  Its on the radio, on television, on advertisements, in magazines, and in newspapers.  You cannot hide from it.

14. If a French person asks your opinion about Obama as president, follow these three steps: first, always assume that they have read more about his policies than you have because 90% of the time it will be true.  Secondly, ask their own opinion on the topic.  If your opinions differ you will be caught in a deluge of French that you have never heard and barely understand.  Thirdly, (if you aren't very supportive) be very positive.  Something like, "Well its really the start of a new era for American politics, isn't it?" And, if you are supportive, be overwhelmingly excited (while keeping your voice at a calm monotone, see #4), because the person you are talking to supports Obama and will be happy that you agree.

15. French people don't hate Americans.  They only hate American politics, manners, style, language, laws, ethics, food, and the former president.

Well, I think that is close to all of my knowledge that I have so far gained from this trip, besides the inner workings of the French bureaucracy.  I will continue to keep you updated on my findings.

Elise